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H.R. Giger, 1940-2014

Post #1694 • May 13, 2014, 8:45 AM

Giger: Ouch! That was a bitch of a fall. Wait, where am I?

Beelzebub (surrounded by beaming demon attendants): Welcome to hell, Mr. Giger.

Giger: Well, I guess that was inevitable.

Beelzebub: I just want to say that I'm a huge fan of your work.

Giger: Thank you, that's very kind of you. So, what'll it be, immersion in a lake of fire for an eon? Maybe these fellows are going to devour my entrails?

Beelzebub: Actually, the guys here just want autographs. I know, it's embarrassing, but if you could indulge them they'd really appreciate it.

Giger: Sure, no worries. (They throng him, he signs a variety of human skins, posters, and whatnot.)

Beelzebub: Hey, give the man some space! He just had a long interdimensional journey.

(A she-demon fights her way through the crowd and bares all six of her breasts for Giger to sign. He does so, amused.)

Okay! I think that'll be enough. Shoo, all of you! Mr. Giger, allow me to show you to your new accommodations for eternity.

(Beelzebub flourishes his cape. Smoke floods the scene. When it clears, he and Giger are in what looks like a penthouse suite as designed by Giger on an infinitely large budget.)

Beelzebub: I hope you like it. We had a team of artists working on this for a couple of decades. Some of them have been permanently bonded into the walls. They'll scream if you slap them. The walls, I mean.

Giger: I... I don't know what to say...

Beelzebub: Obviously we've done our best to honor your aesthetic. I hope it doesn't come off as parody. That's totally not what we meant if it does. No kidding, we've remodeled half of the Infernal Circles based on your work. Oh, please tell me you love it.

Giger: I love it, I love it. You did great. The relief carving of the reamed vixens on the mini-bar is amazing.

Beelzebub: Check it out - they gyrate suggestively when you run the ice-maker. (He demonstrates. Giger laughs heartily.)

So anyway, have a look around. There's a studio for you of course, stocked with the best art supplies we could pick up from our guys in Williamsburg. There's a game room, a jacuzzi, a bowling alley... actually, it goes on infinitely as you conjure up new desires. It's a little weird but you get used to it and it's a lot fun once you do.

Giger: I have to ask, this isn't one of those infernal ironies in which all this gets cruelly taken away for some trifling reason, is it?

Beelzebub: No, you're basically royalty here. Although, I'll be honest with you, eternity is a long time. Boredom can turn into a problem after a few millennia. We have counseling support if that's an issue.

Giger: On the contrary, I have a lot more ideas I want to work on.

Beelzebub: Cool. Which reminds me, this is a Visa Black Card for you. There's no limit on it, so buy whatever you need. Technically it's hooked up to the United States Federal Reserve, but you don't need to worry about the details. We'll take care of it.

Giger: Nice.

Beelzebub: So I'll leave you to settle in. The entourage of smoking hot female demon servants will be up in a bit with some refreshments. Lucifer himself will be coming by for a visit later. He'd be here now but he got tied up in a meeting on earth. At the Federal Reserve, not coincidentally. Also, I hope you don't think this is too-too, but we're having a party tonight in your honor. There's going to be live music and everything. We're super excited about it.

Giger: Really? Who's playing?

Beelzebub: David Brockie's new band. They're awesome.

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